This post will be in English, to make it more accessible to people who don’t know how to read German stuff, sorry. (I admit hoping for people outside Germany to read it)

How shall I begin this, okay…. *trieshardtothinkabouthstuff* The general idea for this post is pretty old, from June and it was living in the back of my head for the last months, it matured and I think that I finally know what the general idea is and I hope that people out there get it. I’ll also try to keep it short, though this will be hard to achieve, but I’ll do my very best.

The initial idea for this post was to write a review about the Amanda Palmer Kickstarter Show in Berlin, then I decided to add info about our special experience (I went there with Nina), then I wanted to tell how I disliked the Dresden Dolls when I was 20. Then I wanted to write about something very remarkable that happened in Zürich on another Amanda Palmer concert. Then I read today that Amanda will be canceling all concerts in 2013 because of her very very ill best friend Anthony.
So now here I am trying to write about trivia and emotional stuff. I hope I can share my ideas and thoughts in a way that is somehow understandable to you, my readers. So, let’s finally start with the post and stop writing meta info.

I’ll begin with a picture (ideal to distract people). It shows Jherek Bischoff, the guy playing base in the Grand Theft Orchestra and – that’s what I really think – musical genius. Make sure to check out his album „composed“. (you know how to use google, do you?!)

Okay, now back to Berlin. I backed the new record, we went to the special art show that was exclusive to backers. We drove 600km, we were wasted afterwards but it was worth it – it was indie, it was thoughtfull, made with love – just überawesome! – some things caught my eye there. When we were having beer in the gallery (it was in the location called „Platoon“ in Hipster-Berlin), Amanda was just sitting across the room, on the floor, nobody spoke to her – she had been around chatting with a lot of people before – and Nina mentioned it to me that it was one of the coolest things ever, that there was a famous person who we both actually see as a rolemodel for girls/women/everybody, just sitting there, enjoying a moment of peace and silence. It looked like it did not matter that the room was bustling with excitement, theat there would be music, a great support act (Prinzessin Hans) and the art exhibition and stuff. I really had the impression that there is someone „in balance“ just being herself. So I thought „well, it’s a really good thing to be „in balance“ with oneself. And I continued thinking about how I could be more „in peace and balance“ with myself. I sometimes forget this. I just go on and on and on and that’s really not a good thing. So I decided to start yoga classes in January with the oldschool, spiritual yoga people in Herrenerg ( = home). I will also do this together with Nina, so we also have some „quality time“ together.
Later that evening, Amanda got completely naked and we all were encouraged to draw stuff on her body, which we did and it was fun and great and all but what I will never forget is the feeling that I got while I was drawing a flower on part of her leg: this woman trusts us, she really does. There were guys talking to her, making some slightly flirtuous and slightly vulgar comments (nothing bad but I really think the guys had too much beer and probably liked her map of Tasmania) but she did not get nervous about it, despite her being naked. She really put trust in us, behaving appropriately and friendly and helping her in case something might happen. Since then, I think that sometimes I don’t trust people in a way that they deserve. I don’t know why, for the most part of it, maybe it’s bad stuff I experienced/hear/read, maybe it is me being insecure, but I really think she unintentionally (?) taught me a lesson there: trust people. They are friendly. If you smile at others, there is a chance they will be friendly to you. I will try to do that. I really will. Actually, I will start today by being more open to my boss at work, telling him more directly what I think, trusting him  (I really like working with and for Thomas and he is a really nice guy).

Later that evening, when all music had been played, Amanda gave some autographs and she hugged Nina with a REAL hug (not that kind of „ah yes, a soooooo much like hugging people“-hug), and it was really touching for me to see it, but that’s not my story so I won’t write about it.


In Zurich, were we got tickets for a regular show just before Halloween, another rather remarkable thing happened and it really says a lot about Amanda Palmer as a person because you can not make stuff like this up, and I won’t forget it, ever, and I will try to live part of what the it represents for me.
So, we got in the first row and the concert was awesome, I got intimate with the guitar player (I think he’s pretty „well endowed“ ^_^), Nina and I kissed & hugged each other a lot and we had beer and it was a very very nice evening, then, in the middle of the show, after Amanda Palmer returned from stagediving, she told us something that had just happened during her stagediving through the smal club. I will try to tell what she told us as good as I can.
She said: „When you stagedive and surf on the hands of the crowd, there will be, inevitably the moment, when you come close to the end of the crowd, somewhere back in the club. This is when I try to turn around, and prepare myself for the fall when there are no more people to carry me….(everybody is listening, all eyes are on her)…and then I see this woman, in the back of the club, she could carry me, help me not take the hard fall down to the floor….and then our eyes met, and my gaze was saying ‚come on, take two steps forward, please help me‘ and here eyes tell me that she would be never ever going two steps forward, raise her arms and prevent me from falling…(again, everybody is silent, gazing at Amanda)…in such moments, time is slowing down, so again, I look her in the eye, begging to please step forward, towards me and help me get down safely, and not fall to the floor, and here eyes tell me that this will never never never happen. Then, I reached the end of the crowd and somehow I fall on me feed, trying not to kiss the floor. Finally, I was on my feed, standing in the back of the club, behind the crowd, looking at that woman, and again, we make eye contact. What do you do in this moment?….(she waits a second, then continues)…you go towards her, and hug her. And that’s what I did.“

I think if we all would try to find our inner peace with ourselves, if we would all trust each other and, instead of being mad in case someone else makes a mistake or something to the disadvantage of ourself, we would just get together and hug each other, I think the world would be a better place. At least, we would be happier, and that’s what I will try to be, be happier (not that I am not a happy person), to be happier and feel it.

This post has been lying in my drafts folder for 2 weeks and when I read the mail that there won’t be any Amanda Palmer and the Grand-theft Orchestra concerts next year and that Amanda seems really down and sad because of it, maybe even wondering if she is letting people down, I decided to share this post with the world, and maybe she will read part of it and if this is the case, maybe this post gives her some positive feeling, maybe for a few seconds, because these moments in Berlin and Zurich really did make me feel good. (I also think that canceling the tour makes here even more credible than she is and she has my respect for making this decision).


(Note: Again, this was written on my iPad, on the train, maybe there are too many typos in there, I just checked again and found some. If there are still more typos, I’m sorry.)


MOAR: I just found a collection of pics from the gig HERE